Recently I have lost the only thing keeping me bound to this city, or area I should say. That “thing” being my job that was an hour half away, hence the reason I use “area” and not city.

Well with that gone the plan was to find another job closer to the city limits but a recent shift in scenario came up that’ll ultimately lead to one of my biggest life decisions yet. (at least I think so) My mother, who lives in the same city as me just not with me has decided she wants to leave the hometown again & for good this time it seems, same state just a few hours down south. (We’re talking California, so there’s a lot of wiggle room) Of course mothers being mothers I have an option to move back in with her after these two long years of being on my own (not really, my roommates lowkey take care of me, not gonna lie) and starting over in a new city.

Honestly if this option came around any other time but now I’d be all for it, change and I are good friends with one another, he (she?) is always welcomed in my life. Like I said earlier I lost the only non-materialistic thing I have going for me in this area of California so I clearly shouldn’t be conflicted on moving, I’m leaving out some details though, let me explain.

Ok there are a lot of things I love & possess in this city that I can’t take with me, such as friends, and yea that’s about it, which is the reason why I use the word “bound”. Friends don’t bound you to your location such as a job or school can, you can always take a rain check with a buddy and not have any major consequences, too many “rain checks” with the job can result in no job, catch my drift? I don’t wanna say friends are the only thing stopping me from making the big decision (because it definitely isn’t) but they’re easily one of the biggest, trust me I’m not trying to act cool here. I just don’t see anything blooming or life-changing from moving in with the family again to yet another location, which sounds weird coming from me because my dream is to travel, but this is different.

There’s nothing left in this city for me to experience, is what I keep cycling through my head. The whole reason I worked a whole commute away is because of the absurd unlikelihood of scoring a worth while job in the actual city. Like I said, nothing left for me, but the bonds. Sadly though that is not enough to persuade me to pack up and go. What if the city she’s moving to is exactly like the one I currently reside in? Almost impossible to find a job that isn’t flipping burgers for some suburban mom and her kids. Say that were the case and I just so happen to move out there, wow, now I’m not only jobless but also friend-less, bored, and a lot more lost than I already am, now that’s some progression am I right. I know it really seems like I’m only lurking on the dark side of things when it comes to this move, but I’m really not, you have to understand I have moved plenty of times, (only to return home months to years later) some of the moves I could definitely say I’ve gained more than I lost, and others were a complete waste of a year or years. Granted you can only truly waste a year if you consider it a waste but let’s just say I know for a fact I would of been better off here in those cases.

I know what I want, I know what’s best for me, I just don’t know how to get there yet, maybe this move is just what I need? Although I can’t see any big-time opportunities coming from moving from a small town to another, but I just might give it a try. Staying here just doesn’t seem like it’s doing the trick anymore.

Just Incase this is your first post of mine, my blog usually consist of short story telling, edited videos, and mainly my view on the world. Every so often you’ll get an update on my life as such above, honestly this only happens when I feel conflicted, trapped, or the need to express something I’ve been thinking deeply about. Anywho, hope you enjoyed my conscious battle.

Until next time.

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