Its kinda crazy how drastically life can change in an instant, 365 days to be exact. I’m a whole different person living a whole different life than I was three hundred sixty-five days ago, Its kinda mind-boggling how quick it all happens. This past year 19′ has been a time, that’s forsure. I’ve learned plenty of useful tools & techniques to further my satisfaction here in life, things I had no acknowledgment of back in 18′ and below. So much in fact that I know 100% this year 2020 as they call it is going to surpass last year by far, there’s no such thing as a “bad year” if you’re constantly growing and shaping yourself to be the best you possible.
2019 felt like it was the first year I was fully able to grab time and take hold of it for once, what I mean by that vague image is the art of focus. One of, if not the main component to enjoying a fulfilled and joyous life is focus. Whatever you focus your mind on is what’s going to fill the essence around you, you focus on your so-called “problems” you’re going to get problems, in turn, if you focus on the things you enjoy in your life and only those guess what you get? And that’s just what I’ve been doing, living my life focusing on the things I have and cherish & likewise manifesting the things I don’t have, it seems to work as if dream-like. This all probably sounds like an obvious strategy to life but that’s not at all how I went about my days two years back (18′). Two years ago all my focus was towards the day job I loathed, the money I didn’t have and car problems. All of those thoughts ate away at my ego daily, it seemed as if there was no escape, but a simple mindset switch is really all that was needed.
This time last year the biggest problem constantly on my mind was the thought of running out of money and losing my car that I couldn’t afford to fix, both of those things ended up happening, but I’m getting ahead of myself. I had quit my first job of almost two years in the August of 18′ with a decent amount saved, so I was fine until I found my next position, or so I thought. I ended up finding something in late February 2019, a lot later than I expected to and well after all my unpaid credit card debt pilled up, but I thought nothing of it considering the position I finally scored I could just pay it off within a few weeks and be done & done.
Fast forward two weeks later to the beginning of March I happen to get into my first “real” car accident, I won’t go into detail because they aren’t necessary for this post but my car gets totaled and I lose my new job of two weeks. I was in no position to get back to my work site after that for reason being it was 40 minutes away through a canyon, so I just took the L. Honestly when it first happened I was more annoyed than any other emotion I could think of due to the circumstances of the accident. All I could think of was how I lost everything (not really “everything” at all, that’s just what my mind was telling me as a result of how tightly I was holding on to that car and the last of my coins) just because some dude in a truck wasn’t paying attention and his story deceived those of the law. I became more and more devastated the more I thought about it. So I stopped.
I completely threw the thought out the window, the thought that I’ve just had the most immense setback in my life so far. All I could do now is wait, there was no hope in mourning what has happened in the past, that’ll get me nowhere and quite frankly I’m tired of going nowhere fast.
On June 28th, 2019 I wrote a blueprint-like article outlining my goals and how to reach em in order to live the life I envision for myself. The title of it is Constant Motion, I would link it but it is currently in my drafts folder and in the process of being rewritten, changed, and perfected with time, as goals should be. I can’t see this post ever being finish which is why I haven’t even thought about publishing it yet, that and I specifically composed it for my eyes only, who knows maybe one of these days it’ll see the light of day.
Constant Motion is simply a life guide I laid out for myself. I wrote a post titled Getting There as my first post of 2019, it went about me annotating that I know exactly what I want from this life but have absolutely no clue on how to get there (hence the post name) well think of Constant Motion as it’s successor post. I wrote down all my goals and the steps I have to take in order to achieve said goals, being that this post was written specifically for my benefit it goes quite in-depth on what I have to do to attain the things I want in life, so no longer is there a disconnect between the life I want and getting there. Now it just takes work, and lots of it, or simply, Constant Motion.
From September 1st-5th I was sailing the Pacific Ocean down California’s coast (Baja included) on my first ever cruise. It was an amazing time spent with amazing people, I loved every single second about being so distant from home. The days leading up to our departure were some of the most anguish filled times I’ve had, since I was couped up stuck in the house for months prior to the cruise journey I was more than ready to escape the country once again. I left all my problems back home, they didn’t even make it to Long Beach, I’m not that forgiving. Once I was able to grasp the concept that we’d be stationed on a moving ship for four full days traversing the ocean and two local locations from there on it was an effortless endeavor to forget my ever-growing past and become the moment. No longer was I Rushi the poor-in debt-unemployed-time waster, I was one with the waves soaking up the sun with a Long Island and my camera by my side. Even though I had more than enough “problems” awaiting my return back home in 4 days I made sure I took full advantage of all my surrounding opportunities. Although I didn’t deserve a break from life, this cruise was a pristine opportunity to clear up the headspace and get started on Constant Motion.
Come October my trail for the car accident back in March finally comes to a close. I never thought I would have to fight a court case in my life, especially not so early on in age and for such a pitiful reason. Needless to say, I did indeed win the fight, but I’m not gonna lie I was somewhat worried given the fact that up until now everyone believed this man’s story so why wouldn’t the judge fall victim to his tales as well. Well, the judge is a judge for a reason I guess, Idk, but I came out victorious in that 1v1 and that’s all that really matters.
On Thanksgiving day the weather decided to shift and my city got snow for the first time in 11 years, kinda crazy. The last time I’ve seen snow in my life was during the winter of 2008 back in grade school, and never again after that, especially considering that I moved to an even hotter location later on in life before returning home. So seeing snowfall right before my eyes during Turkey day of all days was quite the astonishment, not just for me but everyone in-fact. I’ve never seen so many people outside on such a cold day, playing, capturing memories, riding in the open fields, etc, everyone and their cats seemed to be out enjoying this chilly day. I know I definitely had my fair share of indulgence, from doing donuts in the Stang with the bud to capturing film and portraits for the Gram & blog, it all panned out more than successful I would say.
The gossip about Climate Change wouldn’t be such a colossal rumor if it only snowed once in my desert last year. Almost a full month later, on Dec 31st it decides to snow for the second and final time in my desolate city before the year was over. I think having snow for the second time around surprised folks even more than the first time, it’s one thing to receive snow in a snow-less city once, but twice? Needless to say, round #2 of the snowfall was a lot less “magical” per-say and a lot more of a hindrance. We live in SoCal after-all, snow does not belong here if ya ask me, but it was definitely a delight seeing such an extinct weather condition return as a reminder that it still exists. I wonder if it’ll snow this year, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
Where I’ve been
Not to be taken literally, of course, I’ve gone months without writing on this blog without giving any particular reason many times, this time is no different. I won’t even blame my lack of posting on me being too “busy” with life’s entanglements, because I’m not. I just write when I feel the need to and don’t when I have nothing to say. Which explains my abundance of scattered post through-out the months, I never force myself to write, If I don’t have something on my mind and the words just aren’t flowing out then I won’t write, it’s as simple as that. I don’t make it a mission of mine to post a certain amount each week or each month, (although I have noticed an unconscious pattern of posting two to three times a month) maybe one of these days, but I’m just not there yet.
What I mean by the phrase “Where I’ve been” is more mental than anything. Speaking psychically though, I’ve been here. Here in my room, I haven’t changed living locations since the beginning of 2017 when I moved back to California. Every once in awhile I traverse the nearby southern parts of the state, but nothing that commuters don’t do every day. And that’s pretty much it, where I’ve been spending most of my time lately seems to be my room and my car, (basically my second room) honestly those two locations are my sanctuaries, and probably always will be.
My position in life psychically has pretty much been stagnant for a few years now, only changing slightly over the past two years, whereas my position in life mentally has changed drastically throughout the year, to say the least. The short answer to that title question of “Where I’ve been” is pretty straightforward though, I’ve been in the moment, and just that. Enjoying my limited time here vs fearing and dreading every second of everyday. I’ve learned how crucial of a tool time is and it seems as if I don’t have enough of it, explaining my recent actions in life.
It feels as though I have been teleporting all through-out my life. Especially ever since I’ve started to recognize my moments, I’ve noticed how quickly they fleet, they’re truly nothing more than a moment in time. If chronology wasn’t a thing and I somehow was to wake up from a quick daydreaming sesh to a classroom full of 10th graders & a biology teacher I would not question the perpetual but real feelings and thoughts I’ve just witnessed, for life is that strange and moves that swift in my opinion. I feel like I have never resided in the city of Las Vegas at any point in my life, but have fond memories of my senior year, the ups, downs, and even my first day & how much of a complication it was for my 18-year-old self. That was only four years ago, but It feels like it never happened, disappeared with the past as they say.
I’m no philosopher, far from it but after last year I’m starting to believe that the past actually isn’t real. Now hear me out, sounds like crazy talk I know, but think about it. The past is something you cannot access, cannot see, touch, nor smell, the only ways to access an exact unaltered point in time that has passed is through the art of images and video, for memories degrade and alter the past over time, leaving only fuzzy forms of recollection as a source of proof for history. This present moment is all we have contact with and ever will if ya think about it. The rest is all headspace.
Don’t get me wrong, I know all too well that I graduated in SinCity, T died back in the fall of 16′, and I went through six different living environments in the past eight years. I have authentic memories from all six of those houses, but why is it that I cannot touch, see, or smell something that is indefinitely real? I guess to unearth an answer to my questions I would first need to figure out what defines something as “real,” but I’ll save the deep philosophical talk for another post. I’m just a little bit confused regarding the perceivable reality around me. For so long my mind’s been stuck on the past or projecting a certain future outcome, the amount of moments I’ve missed out on is unfathomable, literally. I’m not saying in any way that the past doesn’t exist, no not at all, all I’m saying is it happened, past-tense, meaning it’s not real anymore, ya get me?
Whew, with all this past-present-future talk I’m sure to have lost a some amount of readers if the post length didn’t already accomplish that. My last post regarding my life adventures was on September 1st so I’m hoping the hundred or so followers I’ve somehow gained over the years will let me slide with the longer post this time around. Speaking of, I hit 100 followers, hooray for another 50! Thank you to all those who take the time out of their day to read up on my life, always appreciated. Unlike when I hit 50 followers on this blog I did not make a celebratory post for the achievement for reason being it was hit in such a short amount of time after attaining 50. I did not want to go over the same milestones and post records, so I put it off, but here we are two years & some months later, still striving.
And that’s that, my relevant life events & where I’ve been for the past year or so. Although time isn’t real here’s to another year of infinite moments.