My stay in Nevada was such a different time compared to now, different friends, different rules, different environment, and just a different life as a whole. As much as I dreaded the mental aspects of my life out there in the state of Nevada I appreciate the experiences I had, the experience of living in a brand new state and having to start my high schooler life from the ground up once again and so on. It wasn’t as tragic as I make it out to seem, especially not if I consider myself to have missed out on many points in my life while living in Sin City.
I can’t say I was ever in the moment during my stay in the state of Nevada, my teenage self didn’t even know the meaning of being in the “moment” for the life of him. Which is exactly why I want to revisit the state sometime this year if possible, although with this whole COVID-19 thing going on and whatnot, I don’t think it will happen anytime soon. I wanna see what I missed out on during my brief stay out there because it sure was a lot, I can guarantee that.
After graduating in the city of Las Vegas I would say my life hit one of if not the biggest stalemates in my so-far years of living. Life happened and all of a sudden graduating highschool seemed significantly smaller of a task then it was made out to be, I was happy to finally be finished, yea definitely, but then responsibility & expectations came along with that, things started becoming substantially less than fun, to say the least. Honestly, Vegas is a really extraordinary city, I think everyone and their mother would agree on that one, I believe the only reason why I carry bitterness towards the city is because my child self had a not so good time while experiencing it for the first time.
I associate the unfair events of my life that happened out there with the city it’ self, when in reality what went on out in that desert could have literally happened to me anywhere else on the map. It just hit so much harder probably because I was hours away from those friends who I love & grew up with, I felt alone even while living in the same household as most of my beloved family, despite some of them being the reason I hold such a grudge against the city but that’s a blog entry for another day. I absolutely hated my time spent in Vegas don’t get me wrong, but I am just now coming to a realization that I fully let my teenage mind of propaganda against myself taint my image of the place. The city had nothing to do with my family drama or the fact that I couldn’t make more than three real friends, nothing at all.
I can’t say I would want to change a thing about my time spent in Vegas though, things happen for a reason apparently. My time in Nevada has made me appreciate things in my now life substantially more, I mean given the fact that I wouldn’t say I had much during my stay out there besides a roof over my head and somewhat entertainment anyway, (which is more than some have so I am grateful) heck, food wasn’t even there every day, which is a big factor on why I see life the way I do now.
Months before escaping the city of Sin my mother told me something that still sticks with me today even through the toughest of times. She told me and my brother “this is the hardest it gets” it may sound somewhat exaggerated, especially for just a teen’s life but I can assure you there was no type of lie in her words. It has now been three whole years since my stop in Nevada (feels like way longer) and each and every single one of those years has been significantly better than my stay in Las Vegas. I wouldn’t even say the last three years of my life have been relatively a good time as sad as that sounds but it’s been nothing but up from that far point in my life, and will continue to be, mother wasn’t lying.
Although nothing but melancholic thoughts surface when reflecting on that city, I really wanna revisit it. As I said, I feel that I truly let my bad times in Vegas decide my judgment for the place, it’s probably not so bad, why else would so many peeps live there after all? I wanna revisit it and actually have a good time, worry & stress-free, strictly enjoying the Las Vegas valley, the way it was supposed to go my first time around. Sadly though, the first time I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I reflect upon this point in my life almost every day, for reason being it was such a weird disconnected point in life, it leaves me feeling more and more gloomy with every thought session but at the same time, I’m content with the experiences and wouldn’t have had it any other way. To this day I still don’t know why I had to spend one and a half years of my life in Nevada but that small amount of time had a huge impact on my life, for the better I would say.
I’ll probably add it to my short goal list of this year to revisit the metropolis desert, I wanna see what I’ve missed and what has changed since age 17.