(Sept 25th, 2021)

Have you ever had the thought “This is really my life?” not in any sorta bad way or good even, just the simple vanilla thought. Well, I do from time to time, I think mainly because of the fact that I’m at that turning point in life where my teen years are finally behind me, forever. Isn’t that crazy? Well probably not considering that most folks reading this are more than likely well past that distant era in life also, that and the essence of time.

Yeah yeah I guess being in my 20s isn’t that far away from my teenage lifestyle, but it sure feels like it is. I remember back in 10th grade depending on my older brother to take me to school in our beater Toyota Camry that would most certainly overheat on the drive to school/home, now I’m depending on my legs and shifting skills to get myself to work. I remember those times so clearly, although I can recognize the fact that those times are blurring along with my past self. It’s weird being the same person but someone totally different. You know what I mean right?

With the way life is progressing now I have no doubt I’ll come out victorious in this so-cal rat race, it’ll just take some time that’s for sure. Which I’m not okay with but I have to be, for now. I feel like I’m winning but how do you really determine wins? Is it determined by your happiness, productivity maybe? I don’t know but then again I couldn’t really care either, I think the feeling of progression is more than enough for my wellbeing, just sayin. 

Have you ever asked yourself “Where do I belong” because I have been lately. It’s not even that I feel unwanted in my current environment, on the contrary my current living situation is the best I’ve been living in my so-far twenty-three years worth of life, and feel more than welcomed where I lay my head at night, but that’s just the issue. I feel I have gotten too comfortable in the past 4 years I’ve been back home. Don’t get me wrong comfortability is lovely & purely what we strive for during this rapid life, but getting too comfortable where you are currently in life is in honesty the fastest way to progress NOWHERE.

I’ve found myself at an all-time high in my current situation, I just gotta keep the ball rolling, not fumble, and make the right moves. Isn’t it crazy how you’re entirely in charge of your life decisions? I have too many short-term goals that I gotta sort out and just put to paper one day, constant motion is outdated now and the tedious musings of day-to-day life are taking over my masquerade once again. Overall my morale seems to be taking a dip, but I’ll catch it in due time I’m sure. 

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-Update from future/present Rushi-

I caught it