Moving on/Moving out

The feelings that I carry for this house & everyone in it are flowing through me all at once, and soon I doubt I’ll be able to hold back the weight I carry for this place.

Okay, let me take a step back.

My current place of living will soon be coming to an end and I’ll be out of the bird’s nest and thrown into the real world of paying rent to live, exciting right? Truth be told I’ve had it lucky these past few years (5 to be specific) to be in a position where I didn’t have to fork over rent every month. Thinking back now, I definitely could’ve used that to my advantage a lot more in setting up my soon-to-be future life, saving every bill I came across but hey I was young & dumb when I first moved back to California, I still am the only difference now is that I have an objective. Multiple objectives if you will. Vague explanation aside, in the next coming months I will be preparing for my new life in a new place stuck in the same old city, fabulous.

In reality I could very well stay exactly where I am & have been for the past five years but what’s that thing again about not getting too comfortable where you’re at in life? Yeah, that. I’ve exceeded my comfort level here years ago and feel as though I’ve hit a plateau. There’s not much here left for me progression-wise, I believe in the need to surround yourself with people with similar ambitions as yours, and in my current living situation I couldn’t be further from that belief. It’s funny calling this a “situation” as well, considering that the only situational part of this is me getting too comfortable, there’s people that would pay to be in my debatable situation, I’ve just decided to make the move that feels right and hop outta my comfort zone, for good.

I still have many months before this so-cal escape plan commences, “many months” being 5 exactly, but with how hectic life’s been who knows when we’ll actually find an affordable place & be moved in. What even is affordable in Southern California?? I truthfully don’t know if this is a good idea but what else am I to do, I can’t stay here forever, even if I wanted to. Honestly I didn’t think 5 years would fly by so fast, but here we are now, third month of 2023 & still rotting away in the same 12×12-sized room, lovely.

It’s crazy too because I have no ill will towards anyone in this household or anything of that nature, you just know when you get the feeling that you have to move on from something/someone, ya know? And after a brief conversation with a friend a little while back in 2022, I just got that “feeling”. That feeling that I don’t really belong here, truth be told idk if I ever did, it was just a convenient place for me to be in life atm but all that changes with time of course. I think I’m finally ready to move on & move out, keyword “I think.”

It has truly been a journey living here with the two beloved twins I befriended back in grade school 13 years back. The way I watched my friends grow up and become the people they are today whilst simultaneously growing up alongside them through my early 20s has been a bizarre experience, to say the least. It’s just the way the house is now vs how it used to be when I first moved in back in early 2017, it’s a lot quieter now & emptier as well. (Probably not for long though) At one point in time, this was basically the “party house” as my friends & I say, strictly due to the fact that there was always someone over, always noise being made, or just activity going on in the back, ALWAYS. Honestly, I did eventually get sick of the lifestyle, the lifestyle that I was in the household that everyone gravitated towards when there was nothing else to do and nowhere to go, and given that I lived with friends who all shared the same friend group at any time I could be succumbed to “hanging out” with a beloved friend from the moment I woke up to whenever they decided to disband for the night, locking myself in my room only worked for so long.

That was how this house was pre-2020 though, as I said none of that really happens anymore. Now those same twins from high school have kids running around, no one really comes over due to the business of life and I still try my hardest not to leave my room, go-figure right? Truly though, I prefer the house this way, I mean who wouldn’t? that party/drink & do drugs everyday life was more for my teenage self. I had my fun forsureeee don’t get me wrong BUT I’m ready to work & focus on my career now, and that’s kinda hard to do when I’m not surrounded by people with similar ambitions as me to make it out.

I’m genuinely going to miss everything that went down in this house and everyone in it. (Well, not EVERYONE) This place basically shaped the Rushi you all are reading currently. Without being given this opportunity (situation) I’d be a whole different artist on this WordPress platform tbh, I needed everything that happened to me these past couple of years, everything from the tragic car accidents to the bad acid trips. The Rushi from Vegas & the one from California are two different people. This house allowed me to become an adult and take on the responsibility I wouldn’t have otherwise vs if I stayed living with my actual family. At times I do miss when I was under the same roof as my blood-related fam but sometimes things have to change in order for you to achieve the desired outcome in this life. So I jumped, and haven’t landed since.

It delights me to say that I’m actually excited for the future and what it holds for me, I’m also scared, very scared.

The feelings I carry for this place haven’t truly hit me yet since I’m still living here, but I know I’ll feel more grief as the date gets closer. It’s Okay though, I have more than enough time to sulk. I think one of the best things I’ve done for myself in the past few months was realized that I’m in complete control of MY life, something I should’ve already realized I know but all the going out with friends, drinking and partying with no real end goal clouded my mindset and fogged up the necessary route I needed to take to eventually get to where I needed to be, which is here & now. This “moment” if you will. Idk what it is I just feel, different than the Rushi who used to write on here bi-monthly about their most recent hardship in life. It’s not even like I ran out of life tragedies to write about, life truly only got harder if I’m being blunt, but the realization that this is MY life to take control of recently has made me more resilient if anything. So took control I have, it’s purely up to me to build my future and eventually get us out.


2 thoughts on “Moving on/Moving out

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  1. Wishing you the very best in your life change! I know firsthand how tough it is to leave your comfort zone, but we have to keep on moving forward. Cheers from the other side of the world!

    Liked by 1 person

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